difficult moment

Take a moment of ur life.. try to imagine when u r in these situation:
1. U r called by a doctor into the ICU to discuss regarding the condition of ur love one...

2.U r in front of a doctor who r waiting ur big decision regarding ur love one plan of management.. Active or conservative...

3.U r called by a doctor after an hour they try to resus ur love one but obviously they failed....

Hurm.. I always being the doctor.. Who make a call... Not the person in those situations... I hope I always make it easy, simple, understandable, and with the right facial expression, right tone.......

fikir,,,

fikir..
how will my day be?

fikir...
esok nak pakai baju apa?

fikir...
nak specialist apa?

fikir..
lepas ho campak mana?

fikir...
lepas medical g mana?

fikir...
nak kawen dgn sape? :P

fikir...
bila nak jadi kaya?

fikir...
mcm mana nak jadi kaya?

fikir...
malam nie nak makan mana?

fikir...
lepas nie nak buat apa?

fikir...
dan fikir lagi...

huargh...

just a houseman cabuk

F u S
Why u need to be so selfish?
F U S
Dun u think that people hav their own life.. Own plan...
F U S
U can't simply make things like u rule this world
F U S
U dun own me...
F U S
I wish u get HIV but u hardly touch them
F U S
I wish one day u kena saman and ur license kena pull back
F U S
I just simply hate u..

normal human

Post hari nie.. Terrible call last night.. Tapi alhamdulillah... Go thru the night finally... Urm.. Today xkeja.. So I bawak my car pegi service.. Cis.. Rupanya free service lagi.. Lepas tue g ecm cari pewangi keta since dat day mama complaint pening naik keta aku.. So, beli la potpourri.. sebab mmg mama suka..
Then.. Alang2 tgk la merong mahawangsa... Walaupun rasa loser giler tgk muvie sorang2.. Hehe.. And regarding the muvie.. I think its damn good.. Yup.. Dapat rasa standard dia bukan mcm typical malay muvie yg lain yg asyik2 tunjuk scene kat kedai makan.. Ruang tamu... Nak naik keta.. Nak jalan g keta and bla2... And its a good epic film..
After finish that, terus g cuci kereta... Balik solat asar.. Lepak2.. And lepak lagi...
After maghrib g umah dr qiuzi.. Birthday anak dia... Pergh.. Tetiba satu perasaan pelik melanda.... Aku berkata pada diriku... "Best jugak kalau ada anak"....... Hehe....

Hari nie aku rasa mcm normal human... Tak tau kenapa.. Tapi hari nie rasa mcm alive... And its make a day if man utd menang dgn arsenal malam nie :)

for a while

Dah lama xpost anything kat sini.. Byk benda yg jadi selama aku dalam posting medical nie.. Hehe.. Tapi xpela.. Ada masa aku akan tulis gak.. :)
Skrg nie aku tgh baring2 depan tv dekat rumah sg buloh.. Baru lepas balik wedding hisham.. Kawan masa uni aku.. Kalau tengok org kawen.. Mmg rasa nak kawen gler.. Tapi.. Lambat lagi... (Jawapan typical aku.. Hehe..)
Sat lagi nak gerak balik kuantan.. Malam nie man utd vs liverpool.. Hopefully sempat nak reach kuantan..
Esok masuk cardio posting.. After 2 days of full sleep.. Hopefully akan masuk cardio dgn penuh semangat..
Owh.. Nie pun first post dari  aku after abou 6 months aku beli :p

i think i should seek help...

when i feel sad..i will thinking a lots.. but at that time i dun have someone that i could really share my feeling... my emotion... what should i do? the best thing i could do is listening to the song in my laptop.. enjoying talking to my blog.. talking to myself... and u wonder.. what mistake u have made until u r punish like this.. and i start to compare my life with others.. and i start to trace back about my past.. i look back which junction dat i mistakenly took... hurm...

how much u can write per day.. am i wasting my time writing here? or should i just sleep and hope that all the problem gone when u wake up? no.. it wont.. this is real life.. this is not a dream.. but then.. u need to bear this feeling.. feeling of uncertainty.. or should i be more positive and grab a book and study? not in the mood..

i appreciate it when some people try to comfort but.. sorry to friends and those who seem to be concern to me... this far to hard to me to get over it until it over.. haih... but at least i noe.. there is always someone care about me... thanks to u all.. but im not being myself right now.. im screwed...

maybe this is just a challange in life.. but.. i still cant feel the comfort even i try to comfort myself.. wat else other people.. who hardly understand how i feeling.. i wish i could run away from this thing.. but its mean i run away from the reality of life and i stop being myself... and i will become just like the other fool...

people keep telling me that life is not easy.. but life is hard when simple thing become harder by some people who make their life and other complicated.. and that why the people keep telling the other people that life is hard.. hard isnt?

i wish i not make things complicated by hurting people around me and those who concern and care to me.. but right now.. im not in the position of sharing and im now so damn rude.. yes i noe.. that the rabellious feeling burning in my heart.. but the.. in reality of life.. thing is not as easy like u think or u imagine or u want.... there is always a huge gap between things that u expect and things that really happen in life...haih.. i just keep writing what ever thing that cross in my mind..

its show that at this time... what is inside my brain is just all rubbish and not even help me in anyways.. but i dun have any power to make thing back in tract.. i can only follow the flow and float.. people make things that make my respect turn to hatred.. but i cant help it but yes.. im fucking hate to see ur face..

dammit.. why im so weak? damn! but im depress.. totally.. i think i should seek help...

when u r sinking down

when u r so down.. u dun expect u can fall further down.. but the ocean has its own floor.. and when u r sinking down.. u wonder.. when u will reach the ocean floor.. since u still sinking... and the only thing in your mind is.. when i can see the light back.... when u dunno wat worst might come.. how vulnerable r u to the beast of the ocean floor.. its frightening.. and this is life..

im a sinner

i hate to have a relatives of patient who act like an a asshole at hospital.. i think i can handle them.. but then, it make less ikhlas.. yeah.. honestly... im a sinner..

live is like a lift

live is like a lift... its goes up and down.. and sometimes somewhere in between... a lift can go sky high to the top like the one at klcc.. and also can be at the ground floor or even underground.. hehe..

urm.. sometimes lift can be so empty.. and its stuck at that certain level and most of the time, at the ground floor.. and when its full.. it can be at any level... up and down.. what i try to figure out is.. the people in the lift is people around u... mean.. your life is hugely affected by people around u.. and sometimes certain people can make u rocket to the highest floor.. its might be someone.. might be a group of people.. but, there always someone else waiting to bring u down by pushing the button ...

i have been using lift everyday in hospital.. and for this few days, i have a deep ponder about this acronym.. maybe someone else ever think about this.. but this acronym is come from looking at myself.. my life.. and of coz.. we r the one who decide on our life.. and we should work out for the best for our own life...

everyday we make mistake and sometimes we are too careless and make a silly mistake that make we regret.. but.. i keep telling myself that we r learning.. and the best teacher is experience and.. to make mistake is to learn.. we learn from mistake we made.. from our parents mistake... from our ancestor mistake.. from everyone mistake.. this is life...

funny

its funny to see a sub specialist acting like a kindergarten boy :)