for a while

Dah lama xpost anything kat sini.. Byk benda yg jadi selama aku dalam posting medical nie.. Hehe.. Tapi xpela.. Ada masa aku akan tulis gak.. :)
Skrg nie aku tgh baring2 depan tv dekat rumah sg buloh.. Baru lepas balik wedding hisham.. Kawan masa uni aku.. Kalau tengok org kawen.. Mmg rasa nak kawen gler.. Tapi.. Lambat lagi... (Jawapan typical aku.. Hehe..)
Sat lagi nak gerak balik kuantan.. Malam nie man utd vs liverpool.. Hopefully sempat nak reach kuantan..
Esok masuk cardio posting.. After 2 days of full sleep.. Hopefully akan masuk cardio dgn penuh semangat..
Owh.. Nie pun first post dari  aku after abou 6 months aku beli :p

i think i should seek help...

when i feel sad..i will thinking a lots.. but at that time i dun have someone that i could really share my feeling... my emotion... what should i do? the best thing i could do is listening to the song in my laptop.. enjoying talking to my blog.. talking to myself... and u wonder.. what mistake u have made until u r punish like this.. and i start to compare my life with others.. and i start to trace back about my past.. i look back which junction dat i mistakenly took... hurm...

how much u can write per day.. am i wasting my time writing here? or should i just sleep and hope that all the problem gone when u wake up? no.. it wont.. this is real life.. this is not a dream.. but then.. u need to bear this feeling.. feeling of uncertainty.. or should i be more positive and grab a book and study? not in the mood..

i appreciate it when some people try to comfort but.. sorry to friends and those who seem to be concern to me... this far to hard to me to get over it until it over.. haih... but at least i noe.. there is always someone care about me... thanks to u all.. but im not being myself right now.. im screwed...

maybe this is just a challange in life.. but.. i still cant feel the comfort even i try to comfort myself.. wat else other people.. who hardly understand how i feeling.. i wish i could run away from this thing.. but its mean i run away from the reality of life and i stop being myself... and i will become just like the other fool...

people keep telling me that life is not easy.. but life is hard when simple thing become harder by some people who make their life and other complicated.. and that why the people keep telling the other people that life is hard.. hard isnt?

i wish i not make things complicated by hurting people around me and those who concern and care to me.. but right now.. im not in the position of sharing and im now so damn rude.. yes i noe.. that the rabellious feeling burning in my heart.. but the.. in reality of life.. thing is not as easy like u think or u imagine or u want.... there is always a huge gap between things that u expect and things that really happen in life...haih.. i just keep writing what ever thing that cross in my mind..

its show that at this time... what is inside my brain is just all rubbish and not even help me in anyways.. but i dun have any power to make thing back in tract.. i can only follow the flow and float.. people make things that make my respect turn to hatred.. but i cant help it but yes.. im fucking hate to see ur face..

dammit.. why im so weak? damn! but im depress.. totally.. i think i should seek help...

when u r sinking down

when u r so down.. u dun expect u can fall further down.. but the ocean has its own floor.. and when u r sinking down.. u wonder.. when u will reach the ocean floor.. since u still sinking... and the only thing in your mind is.. when i can see the light back.... when u dunno wat worst might come.. how vulnerable r u to the beast of the ocean floor.. its frightening.. and this is life..

im a sinner

i hate to have a relatives of patient who act like an a asshole at hospital.. i think i can handle them.. but then, it make less ikhlas.. yeah.. honestly... im a sinner..

live is like a lift

live is like a lift... its goes up and down.. and sometimes somewhere in between... a lift can go sky high to the top like the one at klcc.. and also can be at the ground floor or even underground.. hehe..

urm.. sometimes lift can be so empty.. and its stuck at that certain level and most of the time, at the ground floor.. and when its full.. it can be at any level... up and down.. what i try to figure out is.. the people in the lift is people around u... mean.. your life is hugely affected by people around u.. and sometimes certain people can make u rocket to the highest floor.. its might be someone.. might be a group of people.. but, there always someone else waiting to bring u down by pushing the button ...

i have been using lift everyday in hospital.. and for this few days, i have a deep ponder about this acronym.. maybe someone else ever think about this.. but this acronym is come from looking at myself.. my life.. and of coz.. we r the one who decide on our life.. and we should work out for the best for our own life...

everyday we make mistake and sometimes we are too careless and make a silly mistake that make we regret.. but.. i keep telling myself that we r learning.. and the best teacher is experience and.. to make mistake is to learn.. we learn from mistake we made.. from our parents mistake... from our ancestor mistake.. from everyone mistake.. this is life...

funny

its funny to see a sub specialist acting like a kindergarten boy :)

the hardest.. the sweeter..

sometimes... we forget that a simple decision we make today will change the fate of ourself.. people around you and perhaps the world... but u dunno when and how u end up making the decision.. because u never know what will happen in next minute.. next week. next month.. next year or next 10 years.. and that why sometimes.. i think.. we need to look back and think....

we think and we think.. something we think we made a right choice... and we will feel glad... and we just keep moving and perhaps take a sometimes in the future to think about it back and say to ourself.. yeah.. i made a right decision and here i am.... but.. sometimes.. we do have our own regret.. we do make mistake.. from time to time.. but sadly.. we always at a one place at a one time.. and at time.. we never can turn back time.. so.. we move on.. and live in regret.. agony.. seeking for redemption... that we could never get...

i just wish and i pray.. if i will given any chance to make decision.. i will make the best decision for me.. my family.. people around me.. and everyone.. but we will never satisfied everyone.. so.. maybe for most of the people...... but we always influence by situation.. pressure.. lack of knowledge.. lack of faith.. and most of the time.. lust.. and greedy...

lately.. i think.. i feel empty.. sometimes.. i feel lonely.. things not like it used to be... but.. that what happened when we talk about time right? we change.. people change.. everyone change... when the clock is moving.. people is moving on too... and i afraid to be left behind.. but sometimes.. still.. its hard to catch up...

never mind.. we always can blame the fate.. some people was born to be a noble... some in a slavery.. its ur fate.. but u need and u can change the fate.. hopefully from bad to good.. from good to better.. but again... we cant forget the almighty power behind everything.. every creature.... so.. pray...

in future.. i will and i need to make a decision.. i need to choose.. i need to take the right path.. and i hope.. i will make a good one.. i will take the right one.. i pray...

passport.. aircond.. alignment and Garmin :)

hari nie.. lepas smayang subuh tadi.. aku niat nak pegi jog.. tapi baring2... alih.. terlelap and terjaga balik kul 9.. cis.. tersasar target aku.. nak g jogging and nak g immigration buat passport.. so aku terus bangun mandi and pegi immigration dekat pusat bandar damansara.. sampai sana.. dah nak dekat kul 11.. hehe.. nasib baik la ada seorg sahabat lama yang kerja sana.. tak sampai sejam.. passport aku berjaya disiapkan.. hehe.. walaupun terasa agak jahat.. tapi~~~~ err.. takde tapi2 lagi.. dah siap pun passport tue.. hehe..

lepas tue g minum jap dgn member aku masa lunch hour.. borak2.. banyak gak cerita dgn dia.. yela.. kenal dia pun masa blaja driving dulu.. nak masuk uni pun dulu.. bapak dia yang tolong copkan sijil2 aku.. dah tue.. terlost contact sikit.. skrg nie.. tau2 dia dah tunang.. hehe.. balik tue aku bayar parking.. terkejut aku kena bayar rm9.. siot~

balik.. g subang jap.. g amik installer.. memandangkan aircond mrs baqlish aku dah out of gas.. so g la tambah gas kejap.. cis.. keluar lagi rm35.. tapi, rasa berbaloi sebab lepas tue rasa macam duduk dalam peti sejuk.. kalau tak.. berpeluh2 aku dalam keta.. hehe.. baru la keta malaysia bak kata kepet :P

before balik umah.. g makan jap dgn kepet.. balik umah aku g buat alignment dekat kedai depan nie.. so.. skrg mrs baqlish dah fit nak buat her journey to JB diz friday... hehe.. biar dia merasa jalan PLUS yang terkenal diseluruh dunia tue :P

aku baru je lepas intstall garmin dekat hp cikai aku.. dgn harapan aku xkan sesat lagi bila drive dekat kl or dekat mana2 sahaje.. hehe.. bangga!

holiday

this is a first entry after i officially graduated from medical school and become a doctor.. hehe.. but at the moment.. i have a perhaps longest holiday in my life before my retirement.. hehe.. tue pun kalau panjang umur dan dimurahkan rezeki.... so.. my life now is all about sleep.. eating.. sleep and eating.. i guess i should make my life a little crazy.. so.. why dun make a list of possible crazy thing i could do during this period of menganggur di rumah :P

1. jalan2 ronda semenanjung..... sorang2???? hehe.. budget?? alahai~ idaman dari zaman lepas sekolah nie.. tapi masih tak kesampaian..

2. g round europe..

3.tulis buku.. good idea.. baru terfikir..

4.buat kerja part time.. hehe.. diz is not a good idea.. dun want to waste my holiday with work..

5.g join social work.. actually tgh tunggu ustaz suhardi calling2 nie.. katanya nak g ikut abim punya activity dekat interior sarawak.. entah bila..

6.ajar tution? erk... kurang sabar dalam mendidik..

7.join marathon.. ada marathon pape tak skrg?

8 g tgk concert.. ada concert or gigs yg best tak skrg?

9. learn mandarin.. urgh.. i should!!!!!

10. g jb and help my dad run Jom Bali??? urgh.. maybe~~ if i so damn boring later...

so.. any idea how to spend another 1 or 2 months without enuf money and nothing to do?

record

my new record in life.. first time ada so much apthous ulcer in the same time.. and its been a while since i have even an ulcer during exam..(confident? nah.. just used to it).. but for da most important exam in ur life.. who dun fucking stress... and im so damn stress... ok.. jom study..