Time fly!

its been a while.. almost forgoten that i use to "quite" active blogging.. hehehe.. since the last post in 2017.. i got another daughter.. from working in kuantan.. i moved to kl.. doing my sub speciality in cardiology.. work in ummc for 2 years and 6 months.. enjoy my time there.. I was in ijn since early this year under dr shaiful and team..complex coronaries, endovascular and peripheral intervention.. the world is fighting covid-19.. Malaysian is badly hit by the virus.. the health system.. the political instability.. the power struggle.. the poverty and economical impact of the pandemic has really affecting every soul in this country.. i can just do what i can do best.. treating patients with heart problems.. and let the other people do their job.. but at the same time, i just need to pray that this pandemic will over soon.. my life is shaken.. i just hope thing will not get worst from bad.. May Allah protect this country.. my family and my friends..

an update after 3 years..

i just realised that all my the blogs that i used to follow wasnt active anymore.. just like mine.. hehehe.. so i want to update myself.. i have completed my master in internal medicine.. im now a medical lecturer at IIUM... a physician... i had a daughter now.. a beutiful one daughter.. my buah hati pengarang jantung.. fall in love with her everyday.. hehe.. AJWA DAYANA LO bt Mohd Al-baqlish :) hopefully in January i will start my training in cardiology.. InsyaAllah.. my medical school dream will hopefully come true.. i read a few of my post last time.. the last post was in 2014.. and a lots of thing happened since then.. i almost tought that my blog was disappear until i saw the memories in FB.. hehe.. tq mark for the FB.. i dunno when Im gonna post another post again.. to this blog.. tq for being the place where i can talk to myself :) my life changing so fast that sometimes i feel hard for myself to keep up :P -baqlish firdaus-

my first full marathon

Before my euphoria faded away, i would like to jot down my experience running a full marathon Initially i dun think that im ready for my first full marathon, but after persuaded by haqim and Chan.. i decided to give a try.. --> keburukan pengaruh rakan sebaya. the preparation somehow was not like we or at least my plan.. i was not as fit or slim as i am before the scklm in may.. where i clock my PB for my HM.. i went down to penang by ETS+mrt and move around the island by grab --> my first time too.. i guess my life was quite boring and im lack of adventure..i just install the grab app otw from butterworth to my hotel.. luckily haqim fetch me at butterworth.. or else im sure kena sembelih dgn the taxi driver.. hehe.. I ate mee kari for dinner..the mee kari was soooo super duper spicy until i had heart burn! totally regret it and it was a perfect recipe for disaster.. thanks god i able to sleep for 3 hours before the run.. the run start at 1.30am.. chan, haqim and i reached the starting line just a few moment before the start.. i divided my run to 3 stages as my garmin watch reset every time i took a break.. first stage.. we run slowly initially because of the big crowds.. the first 5km i was able to catch up with chan and haqim.. we even overtake the 6.00 hour pacer at that time.. we run at pace 7.30-7.45.. but i struggled a bit and slowly chan and haqim leave me behind.. i just run at my own pace at around 7.45-7.50 before i stop at water station at km 10 where i saw the 6.00 pacer and decide to use them as my pacer.. i feel so comfortable to run at that pace and was able to follow the pacer until km 21 where we reach the top of penang bridge..i decided to take a break.. the 6.00 pacer just continue his run.. i stretched my legs and enjoyed the moment being on the top of penang bridge.. at that time i feel good and strong.. after a good break and enjoy the scenery i resume my run.. i started to feel stomach discomfort at km 23.. (not discomfort.. more to colicky i guess 😵) and luckily i found the portable toilet at km 25... i stopped there for almost 30 minutes...... in the toilet.. struggle..hehehe.. --> at least i can tell my grandchildren one day that i shit on the penang bridge 😂😂😂 Before i cont my run, suddenly i noticed that my garmin watch reset by itself.. i feel so disappointed but i must complete my run anyway.. 2nd stage.. I felt much more comfortable after the toilet break..maybe because my weight reduced to half after the toilet break 😂 I saw haqim at km 27..he was at the other side of the road..he was ahead of me for about 3 km..he must had a good run.. i stopped again at km 30.. for subuh prayer.. at around 6 am.. my timing at that time was about 4 hr 30 min.. and im quite happy at that time since there was "only" another 12 km to go.. hehehe.. 3rd stage.. the last 12km was really torturing.. i started to feel pain on my knees and my leg muscles ached.. now instead of using the official pacer as my pacer.. i just use the lamp pole as my pacer 😂.. i run in btw 2-3 lamp poles and walk until i reached another lamp pole.. i just keep running until i met haqim again at around km 36.. im happy to see him.. we run walk together.. for every 3-1 lamp poles.. we just motivating each other.. and sometimes questioning ourselves why went into this madness.. hehe.. the last 2km was a disaster.. we barely run.. start cursing and telling each other that we shouldnt run another FM in near future 😂😂😂 the 2 km was the longest run.. errr.. walk.. i ever had in my entire life.. When i saw the finishing line i just use all my remaining energy to give all my best to run to the finishing line.. both my calf muscles were twitching but at the last 50 metres i heard Chee Eng cheer for me and that boost me to finished strong.. the feeling when u crossed the finishing line cant be described by words.. Alhamdulillah...i finished the race! my first marathon was a disaster and i realised that im not well prepared.. but at least i finished within the cut of time which was my target.. im happy that at least i was able to complete my full marathon before starting my sub-speciality training soon.. I told myself that i will not running a full marathon in near future but every woman telling the same after delivery right? 😂 For me it doesn't matter how fast you run your marathon.. the most important thing is to enjoy the run! 6 hour 34 minutes is the new time to beat!

Update...

assalammualaikum.. its been very long time since the last entry in this blog.. alhamdulillah.. im still alive.. update so far? i completed my housemanship.. now im doing my master in internal medicine and pass my part 1 mrcp.. im no longer single and married with my lovely wife Dr. Hazira Bt Zulkafli.. now im no longer with ministry of health.. instead now im with Ministry of higher education and become a trainee lecturer in International Islamic University Malaysia.. hopefully more entery will be added in future.. wait for my next entry.. insyaAllah...

where is my damn allowance

shift or so called flexi schedule for housemanship has been around since September 2011. there are many issues uprising since its implementation but everything have its own ups and down. after about 5 months everybody from the consultant, specialist, medical officer, houseman and staff nurses already able to coping with the new system, everybody seem to except the pro and cons of the systems, even personally i prefer to be back to oncall system.
the rm600 per month allowance for the flexi system have been due since september, means if govt will pay for the allowance, the houseman will get about rm3000 cash in the paycheck.. but sadly the promise is always a promise and govt will be a govt, and for sure if they gonna pay the allowance, they will pay it before the general election.. but do they really bother the minority of the houseman in the community or in the parliamentary seat? they dun bother coz houseman only contribute too tiny percentage of the voter and most of them dun even registered as a voter and if they registered, how many of them will have time to vote?
everyone of us can only weaning and weeping to each other.. or probably if we given the better option by the opposition we could consider our tiny number to be counted in the opposition ballot boxes?
we r human, and 600 per months is a lots of money, so where is my damn allowance?

butcher

My beloved prof used to teach me that a surgeon should have the heart of a tiger, the eye of the eagle and the hand of a lady and he describe further that a surgeon is an operating physician.. But in real life, I personally think that some of them is a butcher.. I know some of them are good, or perhaps they are not a surgeon yet.. I dunno.. Depressed.

bersih the dirty..

Bersih.. Aku kurang pasti apa yg berlaku.. Ignorance perhaps.. Malas nak amik port.. Dari yg serba sedikit yg aku tahu.. Mereka nie kurang percaya dgn system pilihanraya di malaysia... Sejauh mana mereka xpuas hati.. Aku pun pasti..
Logik akal.. Opposition menang 5 negeri last election.. And deny 2/3 majority BN.. Jadi.. Maknanya.. Mereka pun menipu la masa election? Atau jika dan hanya jika diaorg menang all the seat dlm parlimen baru la nak ckp yg system election di malaysia nie betul?
Bagi aku.. Kalau nak fikir logic.. Semua org pun boleh nampak agenda disebalik benda nie.. Sekadar memperbesarkan isu yg entah iya.. Entah tidak.. Semata-mata nak mencemarkan keharmonian.. Kesejahteraan negara Malaysia tercinta ini? Berapa byk kesusahan yg terjadi akibat perhimpunan sia-sia ini?
Atau mungkin sekadar menarik perhatian rakyat terhadap isu video seks pemimpin kanan pembangkang yg sebelum ini hangat diperkatakan?
Di internet, boleh dibaca banyak pandangan tokoh2 agama terhadap isu ini.. Malang sekali.. Tiada yg sepakat.. Masing-masing dgn hujah dan dalil masing-masing.. Hal ini secara terang dan jelas menujukkan yg agama Islam itu sendiri bercanggah? Mungkinkah in matlamat utama penganjur? Atau salah satu kesan buruk secara langsung dari bersih ini?
Entah la.. Aku sendiri keliru..

first impression

Yeah.. I just lipis.. Just take a short round in lipis.. I think I just love the town.. Better than wat I expect.. My first impression is good.. I dunno why.. I can feel the peaceful life here which is wat I seek for for now... Its remind a lot about the town where I grew up at alor gajah.. I think its slightly bigger than Alor Gajah and its make me feel like.. I'm fine to be here.. I have spent my life longer than this at a smaller town.. And to time fly.. I'm a doctor here for a month..
Tomorrow is my fist day at hosp kuala lipis.. So hopefully the hosp, the staff are nice.. Like me :p

a question perhaps?

its take 3 second and 3 words to tell someone ur feeling.. I love U
perhaps its take 3 hours to explain in detail how the feeling is..
but its take the whole life to prove it...

when we dun have the 3 seconds.. and we dun have the the 3 hours.. could we spend the whole life to prove it?

question.. but i guess i will never found the answer unless i die... but if in case if i die now.. i dunno i will still have the answer or not.. cause at the moment.. i feel empty.

sometimes.. we desperately want something.. but we forget things that we really need..

xsetuju

ternampak tadi dekat fb ada page Allah... hurm.. aku kurang setuju dengan page nie.. yela.. nie dah mcm menyamakan Allah tue dgn makhluk... mungkin niat org tue baik.. tapi tak elok la.. aku xdapat nak huraikan ketidak puas hatian aku dgn lebih detail since aku takut tersalah cakap... ilmu aku tentang ketuhanan nie cetek sangat.. tapi secara terang dan bersuluh aku tidak bersetuju kalau ada page or group Allah.. lebih sesuai rasanya group or page Islam.. Allah nie Tuhan...

the lost

So far setahun xde gf... Hidup boleh go on seperti biasa... Tapi after a week without laptop.. Pergh.. Carca marba hidup aku.. Hari nie lepak jeram.. Tgk org dgn slr.. Telan air liur je aku.. Hurm...nasib badan...
Yang paling aku sedih mengenangkan segala document.. Notes... Pictures.. Songs... Yang ada dalam laptop tue.. Yela.. Laptop boleh beli lagi.. Patah tumbuh hilang berganti.. Tapi collection dan memories? Haih...

D.I.A.M

Diam tanda setuju...
Diam mungkin segalanya...
Diam tanda marah...
Memendam rasa menahan amarah...
Diam tanda berfikir...
Masa depan.. Perancangan teliti..
Diam mungkin kesepian...
Tiada lawan bicara.. Tiada teman hidup..
Diam mungkin keamanan..
Jauh dari hingar bingar pekik lolong..
Diam itu ketenangan..
Diam itu kebosanan..
Diam itu keharmonian..
Masa dan ketika mendefinasikan diam..
Diam mungkin melupakan..
Atau dilupai...
Diam itu mungkin personaliti..
Tabiat..
Sikap..
Amalan...
Diam itu mungkin segalanya..
Diam mungkin menjauhi diri..
Memberi ruang dan masa..
Kadang kala lebih baik diam dari bersuara...
kalau selalu diam menjadi penyakit hati...
Aku memilih diam dari bersuara....

Cikgu mendidik...
Polis tanggap org jahat..
Setiap org ada peranan masing2.
Student belajar..
Pencuri mencuri...
Masing-masing ada tugas masing2...
Siapa la doktor tanpa pesakit..
Siapa la artis tanpa peminat..
Kita semua wujud sebab org lain..
Kita mungkin ayah.. Mak.. Abang.. Kakak or adik kepada someone..
Someone maybe husband.. Wife.. Bf or gf kepada kita...
Kita adalah seseorg kepada org lain tanpa kita sedar...
Hidup kita mesti dalam satu segi bermakna kepada hidup lain..
Either in a good way or the other way round...
Kadang2 terpulang kepada kita nak decide yg mana satu...
Cuma kadang-kadang tak semestinya org tue bermakna dalam hidup kita.. Kita nie bermakna dalam hidup dia..
So.. Sendiri mau ingat la.. Kan?

S.H.E

she is ordinary but she is so special to me.. She is plain but she make my life so colourful... She look simple but she make me feel complicated... She is nice.. But she make me feel bad... She is a reality but she make me dream all the time... She is not mine but I want to make her mine.. She dun care about me but I really care about her.. She always forget me.. But she always in my mind..

2 days of my life

I just realize since last friday till today.. I have been working around the clock..EOD oncall x3.. Sound pathetic.. And today I'm not oncall.. And I have tomorow before another EOD x 3.. Then I will only have time for myself for sleep bath and shit at prn basis.. Regret? Nope.. Just feel pathetic and kinda a loser because finally I have a chance to ponder about my life.. A deep think about myself.. What I want in life..about future...
Life is been great so far.. Good job.. Good car.. Good clothes.. Happy family... But as most of my friend are getting married and get out from our single circle.. I started to feel empty and lonely.. Sound desperate.. Yes.. I'm young.. But I believe this is human nature.. And I should start thinking about it.... I start to look at other people with their family.. Esp a young couple with their baby.. Which I have been seen so many time since I'm in my OnG posting....
Option.. Of coz.. But sori if I hurt u.. U might be perfect.. But u can't make me feel it..sori again.. Doesn't mean it.. And no need to say sori to myself if u think I'm hurt coz we are playing in the same ground.. Its fair for me to get hurt either...
Tit for tat..
Sure there will be polar of the magnet which will be attracted to each other.. Without any outer force.. So just wait till the right polar meets..

hidup semua

Tak semua benda yg kita nak dalam hidup kita dapat..
Tak semua benda hidup nie ikut lumrah alam..
tak semua hati itu suci...
Tak semua org pakai akal yang logik...
Tak semua org baik budi..
Tak semua org berniat baik...
Tak semua berbaik sangka...
Tak semua org berfikiran positive...

Yang penting hati yang ikhlas...
Yang penting sentiasa ingatkanNya..
Yang penting kita berfikiran positive..
Yang penting kita berbaik sangka...
Yang penting kita berniat baik...

Mungkin kita akan ditindas kalau sentiasa baik dan ikut peraturan.. Yang penting hidup dirahmati.....

feel small

When u stand alone the middle of mosque... Right below its dom
When u stand alone in the middle of the field of empty old trafford
When u look at the sky full of stars while u r alone at the beach
When u look down from the top of klcc
When u read about great warrior and king stories
when u know u just one of HIS slave

ingatan diri sendiri

Memandu.. Kadang-kadang kita terlalu laju.... Terlalu fokus ke depan... Dunia sekadar apa yg dekat depan windscreen... Kiri kanan sekadar yg dijeling.. Sekadar yg sempat... Yg belakang kiranya kalau di hon or di high beam... Kadang benda yg didepan pun terlalu kecil sampai habis dilanggar dilenyek... Terlalu fokus ke arah yg dituju.... Mcm hidup juga...........

Memandu. Santai.. Kiri kanan pandang.. Sampai sempat usya awek kiri kanan... Keindahan ciptaan tuhan.. Sempat usya keta-keta lain dijalanan... Lambat sket sampai... Luas pemandangan... Mcm hidup juga....

Santai atau fokus... Itu pilihan masing-masing... Soalan. Apa kehendak diri sendiri.. Apa yg kita nak dalam hidup.. Apa yg kita kejar dalam hidup... Kejar benda yg dicita atau menikmati apa yg mendatang disepanjang perjalanan.. Beza. Cepat dan berjaya.. Lambat tapi menikmati.. Sekali lagi.. Apa yg kita nak dalam hidup....masalah.. Sering terlupa apa yg diri sendiri mahu.. Dan hanyut dalam arus kehendak dan rentak org lain

Its amazing when someone can make u smile when she smile.. Membuatkan anda mahu humming kau buat aku tersenyum by sheila on7...
This is the 100 entry in this blog.. Part of the entry was made when I was single.. When I was with someone.. When I am back to be single and young and dangerous..but I guess I had found somebody special.. But yeah.. Its too early :) When I set up this blog, I was a medical school.. Budak mentah, hardly contributing to this world.. Just a burden to the govt and country.. And this 100 posting was made while I'm now a house officer at a govt hosp..
This blog was made as my personal channel to air my dissatisfaction, grumble.. My feeling.. My up and down and when I get angry... Hehe..I dun even care if anyone ever read it.. I just hope that one day when I was old and forget about simple2 thing about me in the past.. I could simply look back and see how shallow my mind at that specific moment and time.. And perhaps it could remind me back some sweet memories :)

advanture in life

How would u define adventure in life?
1.U saw a random girl.. Then u go all out to get her.. U dun even know her.. U never speak to her.. U just decide u want to go after her... Hehe...
2.U have a good and secure job but 1 day u decide that all and I want to try something new.. So u resign and start looking for a new job or start a business.. A burger stall perhaps?
3.U pack ur bag, buy a flight ticket to sumwhere random and start a life there.. Totally a new life...

I hav been told once by my teacher... When we r in a comfort zone, we always try to stay within the comfort zone but we dunno the world outside our comfort zone and what its offer.. Unless we try and step out of our comfort zone.. In my life I did it once and for me its the turning point of my life so far.. But I just think that I'm in the new comfort zone which I should abandon it and start being adventurous.. Now I'm too comfort being a single guy... At least feel "comfortable" with my job.. And comfortable with the place i stay...should I start to hunt a random girl? Lookinh a new job? Or migrate somewhere? Or the best is do all.. Get a girl, quit my job and fly? Hehe.. Sound interesting...